A Thesis on Hawkers: Part 1

Recently, I've done some in-depth research into the psychology of hawkers and have come up with some stunning new discoveries.

1) The X + 1 Syndrome

When given an order for X number of items, many hawkers have a strange tendancy to imagine they heard (X+1). Example:

"One egg hor."

"Two, right?" (looks expectantly, 2 fingers held up impatiently, stares hypnotically into your eye)

"Er, one."

"Two eggs, coming..." (scoops up 2 eggs)

"I said one."

"Two eggs lah, right?" (acts surprised)

"No, I said one."

"OK. What else?" (diverts attention)

(30 seconds later, to your horror, you discover that you have two eggs on your plate)...

"But...but... you ordered two eggs what!" ...

If the customer is confused or intimidated enough to agree to two eggs, or to even give the slightest nod (nod as in: the head does not shake), then two eggs it will be. If not, then Plan B: the hawker dumps two eggs onto the plate anyway, and proceeds to charge for the price of two. (One egg on top of another may not be easy to spot. I've also recently learned that two egg yolks sharing one piece of egg-white is considered TWO eggs. Yeah, one for the price of two.)

2) The Total Sum = X Syndrome

Many hawkers at stalls where assorted items are ordered (eg Chinese rice stalls) tend to have a very fluid and flexible system of pricing. At one glance, they are able to come up to a certain figure. Whereas two meats and one vegi = $X, it may be that two vegis and one meat also = $X, or for that matter any number of combinations can also = $X, if $X be the one and only goal aspired to by the hawker. If you point out that the pretty lady had paid only $(X - 50 cents) for the same items ordered, the hawker either (a) stares at you with an utterly puzzled expression, (b) ignores you, or (c) explains that they have a special method of calculation for each customer, depending on how much is spooned onto the plate, etc, and that you had unwittingly stumbled upon a rare occasion where $X is the one and only right answer.

Then he smiles smugly at you, comfortably assured in the knowledge that you will not take the trouble to argue with him or worse, go to the "Small" Claims Tribunal to get back your 50 cents.

3) The Flexible Interpretation Syndrome

When dumpling noodle hawkers have a sign saying "$2.50 - dumpling noodles", that is not always the case. Near the end of the day, when the stall has a surplus of dumplings over noodles, an innocent order for "dumpling noodles" could result in a whole avalanche of dumplings being dumped together for a princely plate of $5.00 dumpling noodles. It would then appear perfectly natural to the hawker (when queried) that a plate of "dumpling noodles" should have about twenty dumplings, and

should cost around $5.00 a plate. When you point to the sign that says "$2.50 - dumpling noodles", he nods wisely and explains that what you had actually orderd was "big dumpling noodles", not "small dumpling noodles", and in not so many words he makes sure you understand that he will continue standing there drawing curious looks from everyone until you pay him his justly earned $5.00.

Read Part 2!

THE END

Contributed by KS Koh