A Thesis on Hawkers: Part 2

Things they teach at the Secret School of Hawkers:

1) Contributing to the Courtesy Campaign

The hawkers at some foodcourts know that contributing to the Courtesy Campaign can be profitable. Consider this sign: "Dear customers, be considerate to your fellow customers - stack your food-tray at the disposal area. Neatly."

What next?

"Fulfil your civic duty to needy hawkers"? "Be courteous - learn to say: keep the change"?

"We will publicly name all those who refuse to carry their trays to the disposal area."?

2) The Law of Diminishing Proportion

Consider the chicken rice graph. Chicken vs time. Opening day - 10 pieces of chicken

Two weeks later - 8 pieces

A month later - 6 pieces

Hawkers have a good grasp of customer pyschology and the law of diminishing marginal utililty. Customer loyalty can be bought, or conditioned. Get customers into the habit of visiting your stall, and once they're addicted to your food (MSG helps), you slowly cut back on the portions. Half the time they won't notice. If/when they do notice, it helps to give an incentive, eg increase from 6 to 8 pieces. Or give some free soup. (See FREE GIFT !!!! below.) Suckers that they are, they'll usually come back for more.

3) The Law of Ice Cubes

This law says: the smaller your ice cubes, the more volume they occupy. Big and chunky ice cubes tend to leave more space in-between, meaning more liquid is needed to fill up that space. A ways back, the hawkers came up with machine-produced ice cubes which are smaller in size. That was progress. But they've yet to learn from those smarter hawkers who use crushed ice. Now that's ingenius, you say. Wait till you see the ^really smart^ hawkers whose drink storage tanks (what do u call those?) have more ice-bergs than the north pole. On top of that, your cups are 3/4 full of crushed ice. Voila! Double taxation.

4) The Art of Making Less Seem More

Not an easy skill, this art may take a lifetime to master. First there is the technique of thin-slicing, where molecular-thickness slices of food can be produced. Spread these over a large

area of the rice, and bingo, you have a $1.20 item. Then there's the art of spreading food like beans across a vast surface area, with the help of some sauce. The most accomplished hawkers are able to create a hollow interior to fool even the most observant customer. The customer merely perceives a large heap of beans, but unknown to him, the 'heap effect' is either the result of propped-up rice or a hollow interior filled with air. This, by the way, is related to the secret technique of creating a thick layer of nothing between the crust and the meat (example: curry puffs or cha sao paos).

5) The FREE GIFT !!!!

Common knowledge to all hawkers -> Singaporeans are suckers for free gifts. No matter that the free gift may be worth only a few cents, such as the free soup (hot water with pepper, MSG and, if the hawker is particularly generous, some vegetable). Some chicken stalls are able to attract more business merely by providing such free soup. Certainly worth it.

The definition of free may even be stretched a little. Say, "Buy a super value meal and add two dollars more and you get a FREE toy car !!!!' (By the way, see Super Value Meal below.)

6) Passing the Burden

Remember the GST crisis? Yup, hawkers justifiably passed GST to customers in accordance with the spirit of the law. Riggght.

Today - economic crisis. That translates to economic burden. That translates to consumer burden. (Hey, economic crisis!! Chickens more expensive, so now we MUST charge $2.70 instead of $2.50 for chicken rice.)

(Psst... of course, we assume completely inelastic demand, so all the burden we pass to the consumers. After all they are consumers so they must consume the burden too. It helps when all the chicken rice stalls cooperate together, you know. What cartel? No, no, It's a free market.)

Some unperceptive or forgetful customers may even miss the change. ($2.50? Since when? My chicken rice always $2.70 one.)

In fact, because of this economic crisis, many other things may be too expensive, like the hawker's rental, the hawker's living costs, the hawker's brother's business costs, the hawker's BMW maintenance costs, etc, so they should all be reflected in the price of the chicken rice too, come to think of it. How about, chicken rice $250? (Oh, sorry, left out decimal point lah.)

7) Super Value Meals

The fast food chains started this one, to the regret of many hawkers. When the words 'Super' and 'Value' appear together, most Singaporeans tend to be gripped by an awful fascination. A primeval compulsion tears at them until they succumb. The math does not really figure. Surely Super Value means cheaper?

Hypthetical example:

Burger = $2.60

Fries = $1.20

Coke = $1.20

Total if bought separately = $5.00

Total if bought as a Super Value Meal = $5.00

Hmmmm.

(Did we mention cheaper? No what, we only said Super Value. Everything we sell has Super Value what, we just point out the fact, make it clearer to you. Actually it's community service, u know lah, helping Singaporeans add up the math faster.)

THE END

Contributed by KS Koh