Why Getting Married is so Costly in Singapore:An Expose

Don't forget to check out the Gallery page for a self-indulgent slide show of my wedding photos!

by mrbrown@mrbrown.com

(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)

Getting married can be costly is Singapore. I mean, that has got to be the understatement of the year. Gone are the days when you can just take a couple of photos at the nearby Photo Studio (aircon), wearing the gown and suit they provide there, and then get yourself registered. Noooo, we have to go through a whole shebang and involve Hotels, Restaurants, Bridal Boutiques and the Housing Board.

The Bridal Boutique

For one, there is the initial headache of choosing a bridal boutiques. Guys are most nonchalant about this, I think. We hate looking at photographs, especially wedding and honeymoon ones, much less take photographs, especially wedding and honeymoon ones. We also don't have much to say about the suits we wear. I mean, a suit is a suit, right?

Not so for the women. Is the photographer good? Is the makeup person from Singapore or Taiwan? Are the gowns nice? Note that for the ladies, nowhere does the question "Is this shop expensive?" pop up. That is immaterial, you see.

So you follow the girl of your dreams everywhere, for months, scouring IMM Building, Tanjong Pagar and attending every bridal show there is, to find that perfect Bridal Shop.

Not for her the Ah Lian Ah Huay variety. Not for her the "we will give you everything the other shop gave you but for $200 cheaper". Noooo, it has to be that one where they use designer gowns and a world-renowned photographer. It has to be that one where the negatives are not returned to you at the end of the shoot. It has to be that one where they have an authenthic French sounding name like Wedding de Expensive. It has to be that one where everything the other shops gave you as part of their package, is optional--the bridal car optional, the trial makeup optional, the corsages optional, the man's double-breasted suit in the photographs optional (but the crappy one is free). It has to be that one where the staff are younger than the bride, not that one with the Auntie/Ah Soh shopkeeper.

It also doesn't matter that a week ago you two have made up your minds and signed with Bridal Shop A. Because this weekend, you foolishly agreed to bring her to yet another Bridal Show ("for ideas" she says) and she insists you sign with Bridal Shop B, that costs twice as much. Even if it means you might lose the deposit on Shop A.

The Tour Agency

Then there is the honeymoon. "But I have never been to the States!!!" she says. What about the budget, you ask, Bali is cheaper, you say. At the "B" word, her face changes, she looks downcast, and valiantly says, "I suppose if we can't afford to go to a nice place on our very first trip of love together, we'll go to B-, Ba-, B-, Bali, then."

So off to the States you go.

The Hotel/Restaurant

Meanwhile, your mom has already seized the initiative and asked every hotel in town to send you Wedding Package Brochures. The resulting reading material is enough to get you credit for a full year at some foreign Universities. And after the excrutiating decision-making involved, you decide that Hotel A is 30% cheaper than Hotel B, so you choose Hotel C, which is 50% costlier that A or B. This is simply because their waiters have _much_ nicer uniforms.

In the midst of all this, your wife buys a $8000 Emerald ring for herself with the money her Grand Uncle gives her for the wedding--while you have been eating sandwiches for six month prior to the wedding and stopped buying Sega games for year.

The Housing Board

And if you have managed to save enough for the above thus far, the HDB comes along and tells you to cough up $5000 (everybody has some of those lying around, don't we?) for a housing deposit, to deter, ahem, "frivolous" applications.

"Hey folks, you guys are starting to make me look bad with the long queues, I must do something to show that I have reduced the queues and improved housing allocation so here is a new $5000 rule" is what the HDB seems to be saying.

Just like the revised rules for the Road Pricing Scheme. "Hey folks, you guys are starting to make me look bad with the _worse_ jams since I came up with this brilliant and original idea to make you pay more to use the roads, so here is a couple more rules and cash penalties to make _sure_ it works this time."

The Church Wedding

Then there is the dilemma of who to ask for help. Like if I ask my guy friend to help me, do I ask his girlfriend to help to? Or if my guy friend can't help, should I still ask his girlfriend to help? Or does A mind being an usher? Is B going to do terrible things to me and my bride if I ask him to be my MC?

You also need to be extra wary of church receptions. It can get waaay out of hand when 400 people turn up on your wedding day though you catered for only 200. Or 100 people come when you cater for 300.

It is incredible how fast you find out who are your truly good friends and relatives at this momentous affair. Some examples:

- Suddenly, relatives you have not seen for years may give you a huge red packet and they remember your name.

- Then again there are the relatives you have known for years have nothing nice to say about your wedding or even bitch about your bride's gown.

- Or a Gay boss turns out to be the biggest donor to your wedding, giving you $350 for himself alone.

- Then again there are the friends who bring their whole family for the Church Reception _and_ the Dinner and only give $50 measly bucks.

- Or the friends who have left the church you both grew up in that stay back on your wedding day to help you clean up after the reception.

- Then again there are friends you have known for years balk at the thought of you asking them to be a Bridal Car Driver or even worse, God Forbid, an _usher_ in Church.

"Hey, John, you can be my Car Park Attendant!"

"Yeeaah, right. Thanks a lot! But seriously though, do you need an Master of Ceremonies? I can even sing one of _my_ own songs on stage with my guitar!"

- Or the friend from JC you see like twice a year for the last 10 years, goes out of his way to gather the class to attend your wedding.

You get the picture.

The Wedding Dinner

Well, after overcoming all these obstacles, you finally reach your wedding dinner. Your hair is cut, her hair is fashioned. Your nails are cut, her nails are manicured. Your suit is made, her gown is custom tailored. All the guests are invited and followed up by phone. All the dinner lists are done and the table layout confirmed.

And on that lovely night we have all been waiting for, the guests arrive and your mom-in-law says she didn't bring her table layout list.

Of course, it doesn't help the least when you hold this dinner bash that costs at least $600 per table of ten, that one of your friends or beloved relatives comes with his wife, two kids (one of whom can eat like, no, can eat, a horse) _and_ his maid, after giving you his $50 red packet.

But the dinner somehow manages to go on...

Despite the fact that your bride's gown's ribbon thing comes off just before you make your second grand entry;

- despite the fact that the Banquet manager insisted on playing Kitaro and/or Wong Fei Hong's Theme Song for the First Course;

- despite the mad 50-table rush to toast _and_ take photographs of every table;

- despite your dad's drunken drinking buddies polishing off two cases of XO and 3 30-litre barrels of beer, resulting in a rowdy fracas at Tables 8,14 and 23;

- despite your relatives deciding to sit at a table you meant for your JC friends, just because it was convenient and nearer the stage;

- despite the Karaoke System set up by the Banquet Manager who thinks that no one in their right minds would hold a wedding without a Karaoke Session--and proceeds to start things off by singing "Love Me Tender" by himself;

- despite the Restaurant Master of Ceremonies forgetting that this is a Christian wedding dinner and proceeds to invoke the God of Fortune to encourage a louder "Yam Seng" from the audience;

- despite your Music person's choice of "Tears in Heaven" for your First Grand Entry;

- despite your bride having to change gowns three times;

- despite your mother sulking because you told her not to boss your helpers/church friends around;

-despite not knowing who three-quarters of the guests are;

- despite not knowing half your relatives;

- despite not knowing why mom invited the Provision Shop Auntie from a housing estate you moved out 15 years ago;

- despite your friends insisting that you kiss your bride till they finish shouting "Yam Seng";

- despite the champagne bottle not popping because you forgot to shake it;

- despite the bride throwing the Bridal Bouquet without warning or saying she was planning to do so, resulting in a near-miss of a little kid and the flowers landing on the floor;

- despite getting scolded by your wife for trying to help her with her vows that she forgot, because "by helping her you made it look obvious";

- despite your friends' singing item messing up;

- despite walking too fast and ending up at the stage before the intro of the song is over.

Somehow, everything is over and the both of you manage to get on to the airport after returning the gown and suit, counting the money and paying the hotel, gathering the gold and jewelry and putting them into the safe deposit box, and packing the right clothes for the trip. Ahhh, the honeymoon.

Then your wife feels ill and at the airport the doctor tells you that your wife may have Dengue Fever, _after_ you had checked in the luggage. So you manage to get your wife's bags but yours will return from Alaska two weeks later.

The End

And the Singapore Government is wondering why young people are putting off getting married and yikes, having children. The latter I will touch on in a later article. I need to go Curtains shopping for the house now.

All fan mail and soft toys may be directed at mrbrown@mrbrown.com

Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com