More Strange Resumes

People put the strangest things on their resumes

"Worked party-time as an office assistant." (A highly sought-after position)

"I'm entirely through in my work; no detail gets by me." (We can think of one... )

"Thank you for beeting me for an appointment." (Lettuce say it was our pleasure!)

"Computer illiterate." (Thanks for pointing that out)

"Typing speed of 40-50 r.p.m." (Start your engines)

"You have nothing to loose by calling me for an interview." (Our tight schedule won't allow it)

"Outside activities: A bell ringer for the Salivation Army." (Calling all Pavlov's dogs... )

"Reason for leaving: I did not have enough idle time." (His role model: the Maytag repair man)

"Willing to relocate to residence in upscale neighborhood on waterfront with easy access to mass transit." (Sacrifices abound)

"I can type 50 words a minute, and when pushed, can type 55 words a minute." (But what can you do when shoved?)

"I'm a hard worker, but don't do well with 'change,' such as mergers, acquisitions, downsizings, relocations and new phone systems." (One ringy dingy... )

"Able to whistle while pretending to drink water at the same time." (If we need to liven up those staff meetings, we'll give you a call)

"Prefer to work alone in maximum privacy." (A true team player)

"Reason for leaving: Sick and tired of being a human punching bag for my boss." (No rest for the weary)

"From what I've experienced with your company so far, you certainly do need customer service help. Kindly review my resume for the customer service position you advertised." (Flattery will get you everywhere)

"Objective: To learn new skills and gain training which will help me develop my new business." (Your dedication is touching)

"If I am hired for the position, I hope you will give me an office with windows. I'm not very productive if I can't see the sun and flowers." (A room with a view for the flower child)

"A scholar of life and mishaps." (And which expertise do you plan to apply here?)

"My work history is outlined on my enclosed resume. As you can see, there isn't anything too impressive about it." (About that problem with your self-esteem)

"Planned and held up numerous meetings." (Take the minutes, stick to the agenda and no one gets hurt)

"I felt my company was charging its customers absorbent rates, so I left." (So the clients were really getting soaked, eh?)

"I am anxious to use my exiting skills." (Would you like us to show you the door?)

"Please see how your enclosed resume will meet the job requirements." (We'll be sure to call ourselves for an interview)

"Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume." (You may be barking up the wrong tree.)

"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school." (Now that's dedication.)

"It's best for employers that I not work with people." (Thanks for the warning.)

"I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt." (Time for new brake pads?)

"Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law." (Maybe you should try building it with wood.)

THE END

Contributed by Bass