Singapore National Education
Part 8

by mr brown

(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)

I have also learned lately:

1. That the LTA can be used for personal grudges and agendas.

2. That Li Nanxing got off drunk driving so easy but the rich dude with three cars and one ALS licence got 2 weeks jail.

3. That according to the infocommercials, the Power Riding Thingy is the only exercise equipment you need, but if you call now, we will give you the Abdominable Shaping Plastic Doohicky too.

4. That we are one up on US schools that have so much crime and disorder because now, we have teachers who are cops too. "Ah Seng, if you throw that blackboard eraser one more time, I will arrest you for involuntary manslaughter".

5. That we are not overreacting by having teacher/cops in the schools.

6. That according to one of my readers, punishing myself for my typos by reading Tan Sai Siong's articles is worse than the death sentence. And I thought her column was just a pimple on the face of the Straits Times.

7. That when you are defending yourself in court as being _not_ a cult, the brilliant legal strategy to use is to call on an Expert Witness on cults who does not even consider Jim Jones Temple or the Moonies as cults.

8. That we really want to read another sequel for "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" (examples like "Mars and Venus on a Date", "Mars and Venus in a Ferris Wheel Ride", "Chicken Soup for the Mars and Venus Soul for Dummies" "Is There Life on Mars and Venus?", "Mars on a Shoestring")

9. That we really want to read another sequel for "Singapore National Education". (Hey, it's not like I'm making any money from this, y'know. But love gifts of cash and soft cuddly toys, especially MacDonald's Pooh bears that are now trading at $25, are welcome.)

10. That the way to improve sales on unhealthy, boring and less-than-tasty hamburgers is to make your customers buy value meals they can't finish to get soft toys that department stores sell most of the time.

11. That according to the "Batman and Robin" TV trailers, movies are no longer just big budget movies but "The Event of the Year".

12. That you no longer ask your date if she'd like to watch a movie with you, you say, "Er, would you like to join me for an Event at Golden Village Yishun this Friday?".

13. That the August issue of "Her World" now comes out in mid-July.

14. Excellence in quality service means building products so bad that if they are not upgraded in 10-20 years, they become slums, it means making your customers wait five years for a product, it means having a policy so inconsistent that your customers have to make major life changes like getting married in order to comply with your rules one day, then postponing their weddings the next. (Courtesy of Patski)

15. That foreigners buying Malaysian properties were causing a rise in property prices, so had to be penalised and levied heavily to reduce their purchases. But now there isn't enough demand for the excessive supply of properties in Malaysia so the foreign buyers must be lured back. I guess there is no pleasing everyone.

16. That the maximum fine for a screwup like Singtel's (resulting in a jamming of M1's cellular network) is _$5000_.

17. That the authorities believe that banning 16-year-olds from tea dances will really cure the youth gangsterism, and not send the wayward teens somewhere less public (like public parks and HDB stairwells) for their activities.

18. That if you are a young hotblooded Malay guy who just met a young hotblooded Chinese girl at a coffee shop one night and you both decide to have a one-night stand within the next four hours, it is _not_ a wise idea to choose an HDB Flat staircase landing for your tryst, especially if you plan to fall asleep after the act without your clothes on.

This is because people might think you had committed suicide and call the police.

19. That Jurong may yet be the Singapore Hotbed (pardon the pun) of public passion.

20. That in Singapore, you can be the victim if the party you are peeping at walks around their own house naked. Peeping toms never had it so good, doing their peeping and getting credit for exposing (oops) "anti-social" behaviour.

21. That we still have no concrete answer from the authorities as to why a Pay-As-You-Bid system will not work to check spiraling COE prices.

22. That contrary to popular belief, the fastest way to make money is not through pyramid schemes, pirating CDs and CD-ROMS, operating illegal gambling dens or extorting protection money, but by shuffling a few papers around and making working folk pay through their noses for a licence to _buy_ a car, in the name of solving a car population problem.

23. That it is not because there is no better/fairer way to issue COEs or to check spiraling prices -- I mean, why mess with a cash cow?

24. That it will not be long before your car windscreen will have only 10% of clear glass for visibility after you have in place your $60 ALS licence, $40 RPS licence, HDB season parking licence, working place season parking licence, weekend car licence, road tax disc, numerous club member discs, "DOHC" sun screen sticker, "No Fear" sticker, ERP device and parking coupons.

25. That it may not be long before even that 10% of windscreen real estate left will be used for some other new hare-brained LTA discs.

All fan mail and soft toys may be directed at mrbrown@mrbrown.com

Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com

Singapore National Education Part 8

Singapore National Education
Part 8