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Singapore National Education
Part 34
by mr brown
Week of 20 February to 27 February 1998
(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)
I have also learned lately:
1. That you know you have been playing the game Quake too much when you try to shoot a mosquito on your computer monitor with your Big Fat Gun, and you're surprised the mosquito does not splatter and die like the rest of the monsters.
2. That the University entrance requirements will be changed to take into account Extra-Curricular Activities (ECAs) too instead of just those academic results (you know, those 4 "A"s in your "A" Levels, the distinction in your "S" paper, plus the "A" in your French and Chinese as a First Language).
And no, playing Quake does not count.
3. That I predict that those ECAs that hold meetings only twice a year and award Certificates of Distinction just for showing up, will become very popular this year.
4. That many parents are very angry with the change in the University entrance criteria. Now their children will have to do things other than just stay home and study. O, my bleeding heart.
5. That an example of an angry parent would be Mr Henry Lim, 41, a manager who has a 16-year-old son. He felt that the criteria should only be applied in five years' time, presumably after his son gets into the University. This is because his boy is Top in His Studies but now his poor brilliant son will have to do some ECA as well.
Another student, 15-year-old Chan Ching Hoong, complained that if ECA participation and general knowledge were to be included in the admission system, he would be "forced" to spend more time on his ECA (instead of just showing up from time to time at the meetings, I suppose) and more time reading the newspapers.
In the light of that, I have two book recommendations. Yes this is part of the new (sporadic) SNE Book Club. It's the least I can do to help our nation's cream of the crop.
My first recommendation is "The 10-Year Series for General Knowledge". This book will help students spot the right questions (eg "Who is our Prime Minister?") and memorise the correct opinions on current affairs (eg "I think that the Currency Board is wrong for Indonesia").
The second book on our list this week is "Maximising Your ECA Points: Which ECA Gives You the Most Points for the Least Participation". It is an in-depth study of the various ECAs available and it will tell you how to get that "A" in ECA, and also what ECAs to avoid, like all Uniformed Groups and Student Council posts. Both books are available in all fine bookstores.
6. That the recent President's Star Charity had 1-900 telephone lines proudly sponsored by Singtel, for people to call in and donate sums of $2, $20 and $30 . And in small print, the same ads say that each call also includes a $0.10 levy. Charity indeed.
7. That a visitor used the search engine "Infoseek" and searched for "Pictures of Naked Boys", but found my site listed there amongst the naughty sites. I am not making this up. Must be the phrase "pictures of naked multimedia penguins" in my Home page. If you do not believe me you can try it at "Infoseek". Unreal. Then again, www.browntown.com is not your regular squeaky-clean site like my www.mrbrown.com either.
8. That three Chinese Nationals were caught using forged Identity Cards, a first for the new plastic Singapore ICs. They were trying to register handphones and pagers with them. What ultimately gave them away was not the harder plastic used, nor the lack of an IC number, nor the lack of the 3D hologram of the Singapore lion head logo, but the words "Date if Issue" where the words "Date of Issue" should have been.
If found, the forgers will be sent for retraining under the new "Better Employment through Spelling and Typing" (B.E.S.T.) scheme to upgrade criminals with low education, so as to minimise the threat of retrenchment in our present Asian Economic Crisis.
9. That authorities are convinced that these forged ICs were made by the same criminal syndicate that produced pirated Video CDs of movies like "Amistud", "Se2en" and "Starshit Troopers".
10. That a young couple was caught for trying to use a stolen credit card to buy jewelry. Staff at the goldsmith shop got suspicious when the woman, whom her partner claimed was his Japanese wife, took out the credit card which bore a Chinese name.
Said one of the staff, "I knew she could not be a Japanis because I watch a lot of Japanis series on Channel 8 and 12, and their girl names always got four words, not three only. Also, her Singaporean husband never bargain or ask got discount or not."
11. That in Kuala Lumpur, an Indonesian was arrested for making forged passports right on the premises of the Immigration Department headquarters. The 49-year-old man was using a food stall on the ground floor of the building as a front. This is what I call setting up your business where your customers will be.
"Passports while you wait! Try our February Special, order two Pakistani Passports and one Malaysian work permit, and get a plate of Nasi Lemak free! Extra cucumbers if you buy a plastic passport cover!"
12. That, following the example of the local BMW dealership to fight the region's Economic Crunch and high interest rates, aircraft dealers may be offering Asian buyers 0% interest for the first two years and free insurance for the first twelve months. But the offer is limited only to the first 100 fighters, so call the number on your screen now. Free Blaupunkt car stereo and sun shades included with all fighter purchases.
13. That if the Asian Crisis continues too long, the next Asian Aerospace may cut costs and not feature any expensive fly-pasts by our nation's F-5S, A4-SU Super Skyhawks and France's Mirage 2000 jets.
Instead, the next Asian Aerospace may feature a drive-past of local Airforce pilots driving their Honda Civics at high speeds along Paya Lebar Road near the Paya Lebar Airbase.
14. That Thailand's new kick-boxing sensation, 16-year-old transvestite kick-boxer, Parinya Kiatbusaba beat his opponent in his first big fight, without messing up his mascara or breaking any of his pink fingernails. The beautiful Parinya was fighting his first big fight in the big league of Thai kick-boxing, after a successful boxing career in the provinces.
Parinya said his greatest fear was fighting a handsome man, because he was loathe to hurt a handsome opponent's looks. Parinya will be using some of the 40,000 baht (S$1600) prize money for his own cosmetic surgery.
It is not clear if he has been offered any contracts by Lux soap, L'oreal cosmetics or Playboy magazine.
15. That a 51-year-old US woman, Ms Amanda Buritica, has won more than US$450,000 in damages after a jury found her civil rights violated. US Customs Service agents, who suspected that she was a drug-runner, had her stripped searched and X-rayed for illegal drugs, and when nothing was found, made her defecate in front of them by making her take a powerful laxative that resulted in 28 involuntary bowel movements.
Said one astute and eloquent observer, "I hope the US Customs can prove that they are not just a bunch of a**holes whose drug-interdiction policy is bordering on the anal. Man, will US Customs agents involved in this case be in deep sh*t."
16. That SBS is installing a monitoring device called a tachograph, in all of its buses to monitor bus speed, braking distance and braking time. This is to catch bus drivers who drive badly, like braking suddenly or jerking unnecessarily. The device allows for more objective data to stop those jerks.
Said one official, "We must teach the drivers to stop jerking off when they are driving their buses."
17. That there are now Internet devices that allow you to surf the Net and send email through your television. I hear the keyboard is optional and there is no way of downloading anything from the Net, or saving files. Oh, it should sell well I think.
18. That the new Internet-TV consoles do not have the ability to download and save files. So where do the Internet-TV surfers put their downloaded pictures of nude multimedia giraffes in compromising poses (which are strictly for educational purposes, of course)?
19. That scholars who break their bonds with the EDB and NCB will now be publicly named and shamed, over and above paying back the scholarship. This is to emphasise the moral obligation of the candidates to come back and serve their bonds. Three of these scholars have been named so far.
I hear in the near future, they might consider making bond-breakers wear orange neon vests to clean chewing gum off MRT trains for one week every year till they are 55. They will be part of the Cannot Work Overseas (CWO) scheme.
"My name is Bond, Broke Bond."
20. That according to an EDB spokesman, "the intention of naming bond-breakers is not to shame scholars". According to him, the intention is to make the point that scholars should come back and serve out their bonds.
Oh, I see. So the strategy is, you name the scholars publicly, and they will be so overcome with remorse that they will overlook the embarrassment of the public naming, and they will decide to come back to a job that has already blacklisted them for breaking their bonds initially. Neat strategy. That will really attract and nurture the local talent. I foresee the cream of our nation's crop rushing out to get scholarship forms now.
No wonder we need the foreign talent.
21. That a scholarship is more than a legal contract but a moral obligation.
But when you have served out your usefulness, or the scholarship givers do not think they want you anymore, they have no moral obligation to you, because hey, they have already fulfilled the legal side of the scholarship deal, what.
22. That there is a possibility that the Statutory Boards that do not fulfill their moral obligations to their scholars will be named publicly.
23. That the mother of a named bond-breaker told her side of the story. Tearfully, she revealed that her son wanted to stay back for two more years for a rare opportunity to do important research work with a retiring professor before coming back home to serve his bond. When the NCB insisted that the son come back and work with the board first before going back to further his studies, she had to use up her CPF savings and loans from relatives to pay back the bond, costing S$155,212.44.
Now, she fears that with her son's name being made public, he may not come back to Singapore even after he has finished his studies there (who would? -mb). She says, "We talk so much about attracting foreign talent, we should first nurture and keep local talent. That should be our moral obligation." Ouch.
24. That, speaking of foreign talent, one telecommunications company in Malaysia recently retrenched 350 workers without notice, and proceeded to hire five expatriates without work permits. The expats were hired using tourist visas and were given a salary of M$60,000 a month each.
I think we should follow their example if we want to attract foreign talent. We are already halfway there in screwing our own local talent over.
25. That in Auckland, New Zealand, the 4 major power cables supplying power to the Central Business District are down, leading to blackouts in the downtown and commercial area. Many nightspots have been closed and tens of thousands of people have been turned away from work. Some are taking candlelit dinners and long walks because there is nothing else to do.
Said one Auckland journalist, "It's just crazy here - people are walking the streets in some kind of Third World haze."
Many of the sheep there now live in fear.
By Lee Kin Mun (Copyright 1998)
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Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com
