[ About | Home | Musings | S.N.E. | Gallery | Contributions | Poetry | Email ]

 

Singapore National Education
Part 31A - Special Overseas Weakly Edition!

by mr brown

Week of 30 January to 6 February 1998

(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)

I recently discovered that SNE is read by many overseas Singaporeans, who are working or studying abroad. In the light of that, I decided to follow the trend of some newspapers and do a Weakly Overseas Edition, just this once.

We would like our Overseas Readers to know that:

1. That our country is not going to enter into recession. Barring external forces.

2. That our MRT system has never failed. Our doors do not come off, our trains do not derail and everyone gets to work on time everyday. We do not need cars here. Even our government officials take buses to work.

3. That our cellular network is the best in the world. Our main network does not bring down the cellular and paging systems of our local competitors. It is that good.

4. That our PCN cellular phone network is not lame. And besides, we have renamed it GSM 1800, so it has actually improved.

5. That crime is rampant in all other countries but ours. See related articles on Malaysia and USA.

6. That racism is rampant in all other countries but ours. See related articles on Australia, USA and Canada.

7. That we have a multicultural society. We have Chinese, Indians, Malays and Others.

8. That we are looking for foreign talent, but overseas Singaporeans, please come home.

9. That life is great here, despite the high cost of housing, driving and beer. Remember, the rewards are great. For instance, you get to buy Singtel shares with your CPF.

10. That people here are not losing their jobs or getting retrenched, like in other countries.

11. That nobody takes a pay cut here. We believe in retraining and not political rhetoric.

12. That our Housing Board lost one billion dollars last year providing affordable housing for you ungrateful whiners. Now you know the HDB loves you.

13. That our government flats may be getting smaller and more expensive, but the design is getting more functional and efficient. And we have better toilet tiles that can actually be washed clean.

14. That we allow our property market to be determined by the forces of supply and demand.

15. That we do not muzzle our political opponents.

16. That we do not redraw political boundaries to win elections.

17. That we do not have bigger and bigger constituencies (with 3 to 5 MPs) in order to nullify the effects of opposition support in what used to be single wards.

18. That traffic is free-flowing on our expressways due to far-sighted policies. We have a World-Class Transport system. We even have a "World-Class Bus Stop: Coming Your Way" in Jurong. I hear the Bus Stop will have Karaoke.

19. That our COE system is determined by free market forces, not by cartels of car distributors who can get together to manipulate COE prices.

20. That we have objective journalists with a loyal and devoted readership. See related column by Tan Sai Siong.

21. That we have our own local David Letterman show that everyone loves. See TV and Leisure section on "Tonight With Gurmit".

22. That we have great Award-winning Television Programming. We just won the Asian TV Awards this year. Our viewers love our Asian TV Award-winning local TV programs. That is why they go to the movies so much.

Oh, did we mention that we just won the Asian TV Awards this year?

23. That our country is on its way to becoming a World-Class Information Technology Hub, we have a great nationwide network called Singapore One (One Processor-Intel's, One Operating System-Windows). Um, as soon as we get that T1 line used by our cable modems fixed, that is.

24. That we were going to print some bad news in this Overseas Edition but we ran out of space. Maybe next week.

25. That we do not have a special News Desk just for Happy News in our Overseas Weakly Edition. And our news is not edited by Barney the Dinosaur.

By Lee Kin Mun (Copyright 1998)

All fan mail and soft toys may be directed at mrbrown@mrbrown.com

Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com

[ About | Home | Musings | S.N.E. | Gallery | Contributions | Poetry | Email ]