Singapore National Education
Part 12

by mr brown

(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)

I have also learned lately:

1. That Diana got a pop song rewritten for her but Mother Theresa did not.

2. That Diana got more press than Mother Theresa. I guess looks _do_ matter after all.

3. That in some BBC reports, Mother Theresa was referred to as Diana's friend.

4. That at the rate we are going, Diana will probably become a saint earlier than Mother Theresa.

5. That another reader's wife perceptively remarked that Diana's mom-in-law Elizabeth speaks Queen's English.

6. That it is a good thing Elton John did not choose to sing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" with Drag Queen Rupaul (I doubt if she counts as royalty) at the funeral.

7. That a recent Electronic Road Pricing press ad claims that ERP is "taking away the paper coupons" and "leaving something in your hands: the power of choice". (Run, don't walk, and cut it out from The Sunday Times, Sept 14 1997 page 33, and then frame it up. It is destined to be a classic.)

8. That Singapore is not the repressive place that everyone says it is. We have "the power of choice" because we have ERP and the FREE in-vehicle tracking unit.

9. That recovering the cost of the FREE in-vehicle ERP unit will be done within, oh, 3 minutes of the start of the ERP.

Ok, ok, I was too harsh this time... recovering the cost of the FREE in-vehicle ERP unit will be done within _5_ minutes of the start of the ERP.

10. That the authorities have once again proven to the world that it is possible for governments to tax citizens electronically, without the use of excessive manpower.

11. That the official slogan for ERP might have been a typo. It should have read "The Dear Way Ahead", not "The Clear Way Ahead".

12. That having a Cashcard in the in-vehicle ERP unit is not unlike having $200 cash in full view on your car's dashboard.

13. That the ERP will do away with the potential for human error and replace it with the potential for computer error.

14. That Hey! Singapore will feature a story on "ERP: The Gantries of Doom".

"Is it true, what they say, that it is actually possible to have money lost while driving through _these_ gantries?

'How is this possible? What exactly are these Bermuda Triangles of the Highway that many motorists in Singapore speak of with hushed tones?

'Why is Russell Wong writing another True Singapore Ghost Stories just on these Gantries of Hell alone?

Tune in and join us in Hey! Singapore, as we investigate this strange phenomenon in our very own little island."

15. That the ERP will be covered by other local horror programs like "Shiver" (ERP: Because Strange Things _Do_ Happen) and "In Conversation" (with Sonny 'Larry King' Lim).

16. That as far as who is really responsible for the bad stock market and currency conditions in Kuala Lumpur, the authorities there are in a haze.

17. That our computer technology has progressed to the point where we can render frighteningly real 3-Dimensional Arcade Games where the Female Virtual Fighters in the game have breasts that bounce in response to gravity. Finally, a real-world use for all that processing power.

18. That one independent school principal believes in calling himself the _CEO_ of the school.

19. That if you've got what it takes, be a CEO (principal) of a Higher Learning Corporation (Secondary School).

20. That as for The Haze from Indonesia, things could be worse. They might have Nuclear Power Plants. Then asthma would be the least of our problems.

21. That now may not be a good time to buy a convertible in Malaysia or Singapore.

22. That now you may have an excuse _not_ to exercise outdoors.

23. That anytime now, the Indonesian government will step up their efforts to fight The Haze problem by doing something drastic to punish the companies causing the haze, like giving them a thorough scolding.

24. That the Malaysia Tourist Promotion Board Chairman actually believes that The Haze will _not_ affect their tourist arrivals, as soon as they can land their enthusiastic tourists in Subang airport. Some MAS flights are having a minor technical problem finding the runway through The Haze, it seems.

25. That there are rumours that the Director of "Twister" is planning to make an action-thriller movie in the proud tradition of disaster movies like "Volcano", "Dante's Peak" and "Ishtar". The movie will star Helen Hunt as a Tourist Guide and John Lithgow as the Evil Forest Burner and will be based on the haze in our region. The film is tentatively entitled, "The Haze".

All fan mail and soft toys may be directed at mrbrown@mrbrown.com

Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com

Singapore National Education Part 12

Singapore National Education
Part 12