Singapore National Education
Part 11

by mr brown

(Feel free to distribute for non-profit and non-commercial purposes but keep my byline, email address and URL intact please. Thanks)

I have also learned lately:

1. That the Seventh Month Getai (Concert) Organisers would have us believe that they only earn two hundred dollars a night after deducting all costs, and hence will not be able to pay the copyright fee of $500.

2. That we want to attract top talent from abroad when we cannot even hang on to some of our best and brightest.

3. That we have to pay for Caller-ID services if we want to see the other party's number before picking up but we also have to pay for Caller-ID blocking if we don't want others to see our numbers.

4. That we need to pay for the privilege of keeping our telephone numbers private.

5. That Dr Mahathir is blaming a global syndicate, short sellers, George Soros, evil currency speculators, evil securities speculators, evil countrymen helping evil speculators and soon, The Haze for the terrible beating his stock market and currency is taking.

Somebody call the X-files.

6. That we are to believe that it is all the above factors and not poor economic fundamentals and overspending on costly, high profile mega-infrastructure projects that is the cause of Malaysia's currency and stock market woes.

7. That everyone in the region, including Singapore, has been the target of speculation and yet not everyone has seen their currency and stock market plunge to the same extent.

8. That the best way to improve market confidence and attract investors is to invoke the ISA, print more money, set up curbs to restrict foreign investors from trading, and create a two-tier system by paying local investors a premium to the market price for their shares.

9. That in the same breath, DPM Anwar calls on the Malaysian people not to go on a witch hunt and instead get its act together, while saying that it is clear that what they are experiencing is a form of economic warfare being launched by a Western syndicate in the stock and money markets.

10. That the way to win investors is to threaten them with the Internal Security Act (ISA), that allows virtually indefinite imprisonment without trial. Now investors in Malaysia are afraid to even fart an opinion, or burp too loud, as that may be misconstrued as sabotaging the economy.

11. That we need another Taxi surcharge increase like a fish needs a bicycle.

12. That we now have to remember the various permutations involved in taking a cab, taking into account the peak-hour surcharge, midnight surcharge, taking-a-taxi-from-within-the-CBD surcharge, taking-a-taxi-into-the-CBD surcharge, RPS surcharge, CTE surcharge, booking surcharge, advanced booking surcharge, Public holiday and holiday eve surcharge and airport surcharge.

13. That just thinking about taking a taxi to town every working day by advanced booking, during the morning peak hours, via the Central Expressway, will make you want to buy a car.

14. That now that we are done penalising car and motorbike owners, it is time to move on to penalising users of public transport, like cab users.

15. That it won't be long before we have to pay a surcharge for taking a bus into the CBD via the CTE during morning peak hours. We must do this to make people realise that it is ludicrous to be working in a classy place like the CBD and expect to go to work there cheaply. We should all look for jobs in outlying areas like Woodlands and Tuas. This is known as regionalisation.

16. That in an uncanny strange psychic move that pre-empted this scathing edition of Singapore National Education, Dr Mahathir reversed his earlier position and yes, halted high-profile projects and lifted trading curbs. But he still thinks George Soros is a moron.

17. That OUB and UOB have Rocket Scientists who, after extensive research, decided to place their respective ATM machines at Century Square, Tampines, in Basement One, under the two escalators that have a _perfect mirror finish_. So now, if you're bored, you can find out what PIN number the person in front of you is typing by just casually looking up at the underside of the escalator. You've got to see this yourself to believe it.

18. That the best way to resurrect an old hit is to change some words and make it a tribute to deceased royalty.

19. That we really wanted to hear "Candle in the Wind" (The Diana Remix), 84 times for the first time in 95 FM today.

20. That our coverage for Princess Diana's funeral and life stories is so thorough, it's almost like we're still a British colony or at least an ex-colony with colonial hangups. But I'm sure we're not -- um, excuse me, I have to make a short trip to Kent Ridge, Prince Edward Road and Queen Elizabeth Walk.

21. That I may not be the only person who gets ill whenever the radio station plays (and plays and plays) that song by Olivia Newton-John (or is it Olivia-Newton John?) with that "Don't cut me down I am some tree I am the air that you breathe I am innocent save me help me let me grow and touch the sky" pseudo-Oriental song.

22. That I may not be the only person who wants to run right out and cut down as many trees as I can when I hear the OliviaNewtonJohn (not related to Elton John) "Chinese as a third language" Tree song.

23. That I may not be the only person who wants to make like a tree and leave, to burn Olivia-Newton-John albums, when I hear the "I am a tree and I am your friend" song.

24. That Olivia/Newton/John should go back to singing less politically-correct songs like "Physical" (Exercise song for our Healthy Living Week?) instead of pretending to be a Tree in concert with a Chinese Orchestra. I wonder if she will dress like a tree on stage if she performs this song live? <Shudder>

25. That a friend, while watching Queen Elizabeth speak on TV about Diana, thinks that the Queen "speaks very British, hor?" Yes, that reminds me of another profound remark by another friend, "Hey, look at the Muslim Mosque!"

All fan mail and soft toys may be directed at mrbrown@mrbrown.com

Other writings may be found in the Website "BrownTown" at http://www.mrbrown.com

Singapore National Education Part 11

Singapore National Education
Part 11