Microsoft Cookie Bullshit

What do we want to know about you today? Cookie bullshit from

Microsoft ...or one more reason why they get no sympathy from me (or why the software industry stinks in general)

This is a LONG message in three parts. All info was encountered when I attempted to connect to part of the Microsoft website (actually, their "Knowledge Base" site that deals with tech support info -- why the hell should issues pertaining to support be "premium information"?) with the 'cookies' facility disabled in my browser, just read what arrogant and contradictory crap that company gives when it tries to tell you why you should allow them to tell you 'where you should go today':

All comments in [parentheses] mine........

1. First blurb - Well, if you want info, you had better tell us who you are, sonny!

Sorry about the temporary detour.

You arrived at this page for one of two reasons:

1. Your browser doesn't support cookies.

2. You were asked to accept a cookie and refused.

IF YOUR BROWSER DOESN'T SUPPORT COOKIES

First off, do you know what a cookie is, and does? If not, please take a few seconds to read our explanation, then come back and read more. We think you should change browsers. Here's why.

[pitch for Internet Explorer starts here]

The microsoft.com Web site consists of more than 200,000 pages of valuable information. Virtually all is free, but you'll need a special entry password to access what we call premium sites. Those include free software, contests and highly focused sites where users learn the latest tricks for using Microsoft software and developers keep track of the newest tools and best practices.

To access premium content, we ask that you accept a cookie and fill out a brief registration form.

[so, they basically want to know who accesses their website, when they do it, where they go, etc ...but why DENY us the choice of our current browser?]

We use that information to focus our site's content, and even to suggest pages or sites where you'll find the precise information you need. We save you time; you help us decide what information is valuable to microsoft.com visitors.

But if your browser doesn't accept cookies, then you can't access premium information.

[Wow! If you don't allow them to place a cookie in your computer (i.e., as you will eventually find out: tell them who you are), they are not going to give you information you need (even if you might already be a legit customer using their products) What nice people.

But why should 'premium' information be tied to cookies in the first place? As we shall find out later, you can't access premium information unless they know who you are. Scary...]

How to switch browsers? It's very easy.

Just click here and we'll deliver you directly to the Internet Explorer page, where you can download Internet Explorer very quickly. Internet Explorer is the fastest-growing browser in the world. It's the most technologically advanced browser, and yet the easiest to use.

[aha, its basically one ploy to get you to use Explorer]

Once you've downloaded Internet Explorer and have filled out the premium-site information, you can travel to virtually any corner of microsoft.com. You may be asked for a password, but that's it.

IF YOU REFUSED A COOKIE

First, please read our definition of a cookie.

[see THEIR definition in part two, following this]

As you've read, a cookie helps both of us. Plus, it's your passport to premium content throughout microsoft.com.

["Helps both of us"? What blatant rubbish!! How does it help me to have to use the browser YOU want me to use? How does it 'help me' to inconvenience myself in installing more software, introducing more possible software conflicts (and don't we know it well with MS Internet Exploder), changing my browser using habits, using up more precious disk space, memory...]

If you're like most microsoft.com visitors, you're here for one of two reasons: you're just curiously browsing the site, or you're after specific information or software. When you accept a cookie you're helping us help you find just the right information from the 200,000-plus pages of microsoft.com.

A cookie also is a requirement for accessing premium information including games, free software downloads, contests and specialized advice pages for developers and software users. By accepting a cookie and filling out a brief registration form, you can visit premium sites with only a password you choose.

2. 2nd blurb: Bill Gates et al telling you what a cookie is and why it is ok for them to give you the information they pompously think you should want! See how they contradict themselves...

A cookie? What's this you're offering?

A cookie is a very tiny piece of text we're asking permission to place on your computer's hard drive. If you agree, then your browser adds the text in a small file. Its purpose is to let us know when you visit microsoft.com.

[remember this last sentence]

This text, by itself, only tells us that a previous microsoft.com visitor has returned. It doesn't tell us who you are, or your email address or anything else personal. If you want to give us that information later, that's your choice.

[note that they want you to feel secure that "It (a cookie) doesn't tell us who you are, or your email address or anything else personal"; this is in itself contradictory since YOUR cookie is unique to the personal info you gave in the beginning]

So why do we offer cookies?

Cookies help us evaluate visitors' use of our site, such as what customers want to see and what they never read. That information allows us to better focus our online product, to concentrate on information people are reading and products they are using.

And guess what? A cookie can help you.

If you accept a cookie, nothing affects you immediately. But you know what happens whenever you want to download software, access a premium site or even request permission to use a Microsoft logo on your Web page? You get asked questions like who you are and your email address. And that happens every time you want to download stuff.

[Note that you *HAVE* to tell them who you are whenever you need to see or download certain somethings]

If you have accepted a cookie, however, those questions eventually will be asked just once, no matter how often you download software or how many Microsoft sites you visit.

[okay, let me hear you right Bill and friends, whenever I want to read some 'premium info' (how does support issue qualify as premium content?) or download something 'premium' (as compared to other average crap perhaps?) from your site, you would compulsorily require that I tell you who I am by filling in a form. Right, but if I have done so in the beginning, and then allow your registration program to plant a cookie that is obviously unique to my identity, in exchange for the personal information that I have given you, while you do not require that I tell you who I am again when I access your 'premium content'/software etc, YOU WOULD ALREADY KNOW WHO I AM?

Right, so how then does the cookie "not tell us who you are" in the first place? Blatant doublespeak bullshit for you]

In the future, a cookie will allow you to tell us what information you prefer to read and what you don't.

[Shouldn't this statement scare the hell out of us? Extrapolate this to other content and news sites that MS currently owns and could own in the future]

If you're a gamer, for example, we can advise you on content specific to games.

Why are we telling you all this? Because we want you to know why we ask you to accept a cookie. We want to be sure you understand that accepting a cookie in no way gives us access to your computer or any personal information about you.

[of course it does, it tells them about YOUR habits, and ALL personal information that you had to give in the beginning when you registered for a cookie!]

Cookies are harmless, occupying just a few bytes on your hard drive. They also can be a Web site browser's very good friend.

[and Big Brother's very useful little tracking tool as well, so you should add...]

3. This is the fine print located right at the bottom of every MS webpage, and right at the bottom of the page containing the cookies explanation:

NOTICE SPECIFIC TO SOFTWARE AVAILABLE ON THIS WEBSITE

Any software that is made available to download from this server ("Software") is the copyrighted work of Microsoft and/or its suppliers. Use of the Software is governed by the terms of the end user license agreement, if any, which accompanies or is included with the Software ("License Agreement"). An end user will be unable to install any Software that is accompanied by or includes a License Agreement, unless he or she first agrees to the License Agreement terms.

The Software is made available for downloading solely for use by end users according to the License Agreement. Any reproduction or redistribution of the Software not in accordance with the License Agreement is expressly prohibited by law, and may result in severe civil and criminal penalties. Violators will be prosecuted to the maximum extent possible.

WITHOUT LIMITING THE FOREGOING, COPYING OR REPRODUCTION OF THE SOFTWARE TO ANY OTHER SERVER OR LOCATION FOR FURTHER REPRODUCTION OR REDISTRIBUTION IS EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED.

THE SOFTWARE IS WARRANTED, IF AT ALL, ONLY ACCORDING TO THE TERMS OF THE LICENSE AGREEMENT. EXCEPT AS WARRANTED IN THE LICENSE AGREEMENT, MICROSOFT CORPORATION HEREBY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS WITH REGARD TO THE SOFTWARE, INCLUDING ALL IMPLIED WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT.

RESTRICTED RIGHTS LEGEND. Any Software which is downloaded from this Server for or on behalf of the United States of America, its agencies and/or instrumentalities ("U.S. Government"), is provided with Restricted Rights. Use, duplication, or disclosure by the U.S. Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in subparagraph (c)(1)(ii) of the Rights in Technical Data and Computer Software clause at DFARS 252.227-7013 or subparagraphs (c)(1) and (2) of the Commercial Computer Software - Restricted Rights at 48 CFR 52.227-19, as applicable. Manufacturer is Microsoft Corporation, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA 98052-6399.

NOTICE SPECIFIC TO DOCUMENTS AVAILABLE ON THIS WEBSITE

Permission to use Documents (such as white papers, press releases, datasheets and FAQs) from this server ("Server") is granted, provided that (1) the below copyright notice appears in all copies and that both the copyright notice and this permission notice appear, (2) use of such Documents from this Server is for informational and non-commercial or personal use only and will not be copied or posted on any network computer or broadcast in any media, and (3) no modifications of any Documents are made. Use for any other purpose is expressly prohibited by law, and may result in severe civil and criminal penalties. Violators will be prosecuted to the maximum extent possible.

Documents specified above do not include the design or layout of the microsoft.com website or any other Microsoft owned, operated, licensed or controlled site. Elements of Microsoft websites are protected by trade dress and other laws and may not be copied or imitated in whole or in part. No logo, graphic, sound or image from any Microsoft website may be copied or retransmitted unless expressly permitted by Microsoft.

MICROSOFT AND/OR ITS RESPECTIVE SUPPLIERS MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS ABOUT THE SUITABILITY OF THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THE DOCUMENTS AND RELATED GRAPHICS PUBLISHED ON THIS SERVER FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALL SUCH DOCUMENTS AND RELATED GRAPHICS ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND. MICROSOFT AND/OR ITS RESPECTIVE SUPPLIERS HEREBY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES

[ok, so they are saying that they do not warranty what they say. Er, how the hell is one to construe this vague concept called 'warranty? Do we take it that they don't have to honour what they say in their documents, or that their documents are not necessarily true or accurate? (so can we infer that what they say about cookies so far is not necessarily accurate or suitable, and (yikes) they don't have to be)]

AND CONDITIONS WITH REGARD TO THIS INFORMATION, INCLUDING ALL IMPLIED WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL MICROSOFT AND/OR ITS RESPECTIVE SUPPLIERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER RESULTING FROM LOSS OF USE, DATA OR PROFITS, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE OR OTHER TORTIOUS ACTION, ARISING OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF INFORMATION AVAILABLE FROM THIS SERVER.

[so if they give you a piece of information that might screw things up for you, and it actually does, they cannot be held responsible? Wow! Is this really legal?]

THE DOCUMENTS AND RELATED GRAPHICS PUBLISHED ON THIS

SERVER COULD INCLUDE TECHNICAL INACCURACIES OR TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS. CHANGES ARE PERIODICALLY ADDED TO THE INFORMATION HEREIN. MICROSOFT AND/OR ITS RESPECTIVE SUPPLIERS MAY MAKE IMPROVEMENTS AND/OR CHANGES IN THE PRODUCT(S) AND/OR THE PROGRAM(S) DESCRIBED HEREIN AT ANY TIME.

NOTICES REGARDING SOFTWARE, DOCUMENTS AND SERVICES AVAILABLE ON THIS WEBSITE.

IN NO EVENT SHALL MICROSOFT AND/OR ITS RESPECTIVE SUPPLIERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER RESULTING FROM LOSS OF USE, DATA OR PROFITS, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE OR OTHER TORTIOUS ACTION, ARISING OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF SOFTWARE, DOCUMENTS, PROVISION OF OR FAILURE TO PROVIDE SERVICES, OR INFORMATION AVAILABLE FROM THIS SERVER.

[yet more "we cannot be held responsible" crap]

LINKS TO THIRD PARTY SITES

THE LINKS IN THIS AREA WILL LET YOU LEAVE MICROSOFT'S SITE. THE LINKED SITES ARE NOT UNDER THE CONTROL OF MICROSOFT AND MICROSOFT IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENTS OF ANY LINKED SITE OR ANY LINK CONTAINED IN A LINKED SITE, OR ANY CHANGES OR UPDATES TO SUCH SITES. MICROSOFT IS PROVIDING THESE LINKS TO YOU ONLY AS A CONVENIENCE, AND THE INCLUSION OF ANY LINK DOES NOT IMPLY ENDORSEMENT BY MICROSOFT OF THE SITE.

TRADEMARKS. Microsoft, Windows, Windows NT, MSN, The Microsoft Network and/or other Microsoft products referenced herein are either trademarks or registered trademarks of Microsoft. Other product and company names mentioned herein may be the trademarks of their respective owners.

The names of companies, products, people, characters and/or data mentioned herein are fictitious and are in no way intended to represent any real individual, company, product or event, unless otherwise noted.

Any rights not expressly granted herein are reserved.

Contact www@microsoft.com or webmaster@msn.com with questions or problems, as appropriate.

THE END

Contributed by The Very Excellent Chap