How To Make Millions... Once upon a time, in a universe at the end of the rainbow, there was a small electronics R&D company. The director of this company toiled long and hard in the hope that one day, he would finally perfect the Perpetual Gerbil Motion Controller and thus solve the energy problems of the world. Then, one day, as Mr. Sun was lazily rising above the horizon, an envelope arrived in the mailbox of this small company: |
| This was a MAGICAL envelope... contained within its exquisitely-detailed and breathtakingly-professionally-typeset exterior was the promise of untold riches, as foretold by Wise Men. These Wise Men were from an exotic land, far away in the west. And, inscribed in sacred laser toner upon white parchment, their tale unfolded: |
The director of the small R&D company contemplated the generous offer of the Wise Men, and penned these thoughts, so that the Wise Men could see that their mission was not lost: Dear Dr Aminu; Thank you for your generous offer. I was taken aback when I first laid eyes upon it; but then I realised it was due to the Lamb Korma I had for dinner the previous night. I am joyous at the news that I am thought of highly in the hallowed Nigerian Chambers Of Commerce. I wasn't planning on world domination for at least another three years. I'm sorry to hear of the Golf War; many thousands of innocent people must have died horrible deaths, especially by nine-iron. I hope memorial tees were planted for all. May they putt in peace. I promise to keep your offer confidential - only myself and the countless millions who have access to this web page will ever know, and we promise not to tell anyone. I am flattered to learn that my personality was the subject of your various researches. My ears were burning, and here I was thinking that it was due to that bitch of an ex-wife of mine hurling insults at me because she keeps failing to screw $1000 a week in child support out of me, whereas it was really due to your researchers looking up my details! Deeply sorry to hear about your USD27,5M loss to the unscrupulous Mr. Miller of New York - I'm sure that had you not lost such a vast amount of money, you would have been able to purchase a spell-checker program. May I part with the comment that yes, your handwritten envelope certainly allayed my 'suspision'..... I would never have guessed. May your genitalia be consumed by a pack of rabid yaks. Goodbye. |