Why Singaporeans
Speak Better English

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that Singaporeans and Britons use to say the same thing:

Dealing with Customers...

Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

S'poreans: No Stock!

Returning a Call...

Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?

S'poreans: Hello, who page? Or: Siang kah pager?

When someone is in the way...

Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?

S'poreans: Lai, siam! Or: Siam, hor! Or: Skius!

When someone offers to pay...

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

S'poreans: No-nid. (no need)

When asking for permission...

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or not?

When asking to be excused...

Britons: If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.

S'poreans: Le tan, Wa ke pang jio! Or: Wah, buay ta han, ai choot liao!

When entertaining...

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

S'poreans: Don't shy, leh!

When doubting someone...

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

S'poreans: Where got?

When declining an offer...

Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

S'poreans: Doe-waaaan. (don't want)

When deciding on a plan of action...

Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?

S'poreans: So how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about

S'poreans: Le siow, ah? (you mad, ha?)

When asking someone to lower their voice...

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.

S'poreans: Mai kao beh kao bu, lah!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?

S'poreans: Kua si mi?

So, that's it. I think all of you can find other examples. From these examples I think that Singaporeans are definitely a superior breed who get straight to the point. So in your next contact with an Ang-moh, use our common phrases. Don't compromise what you are just to accommodate them.

THE END

Contributed by Mike